Android Oreo? Old news. With version 8.0 of the OS finally out the door, and literally some devices now receiving over-the-air updates, it’s time to focus on what’s next.
That’s right, at the time of writing we’re just seven short months away from the first developer preview of Android P, next version of Android.
We would never be so crude as to see anything comical in Googlers at I/O 2018 proclaiming that “developers can get Android P on their devices today”. So instead we’re going to focus on the eventual nickname for P, which should be heading to a smartphone you probably don’t own yet from mid-2018.
Android 9.0 Pound Cake
From a historic European appetizer to an American classic, the pound cake is a no-nonsense dessert that cares not for fancy toppings or intricate pastry layers. It’s basically a cake with all the sliders set to their default levels: Just a pound of flour, a pound of butter, a pound of eggs, and a pound of sugar — or any other weight that sticks to that 1:1:1:1 ratio.
Android Pound Cake wouldn’t be the most imaginative dessert, nor the most visually appealing. (Your basic pound cake looks a bit like a loaf of bread gone wrong.) But hey, Google could always surprise us. Just stick a couple of antennae in there and you’re halfway towards a Bugdroid.
- Con: Visually bland: Android statue would basically look like a cinder block.
- Pro: Pays tributes to Google’s roots as an American company.
Android Central rating: 1/10
Android 9.0 Petit Four
If you’re a huge Android nerd, you may already know that there’s already been an Android “Petit Four.” Before Google settled into alphabetic desserts, Android 1.1 went by that name internally.
Might Google revisit these tiny French cakes for the 2018 release of Android? It’s possible. Petits fours come in many varieties, both savoury and sweet, reflecting the diversity of the Android ecosystem. They’d also make for ideal hors d’oeuvre at whatever launch event takes place for the version.
There’s also a British variety known as a French fancy, which is… a less likely moniker.
- Pro: A diverse confectionery, petits fours are together, but not the same.
- Con: Confusing plural form. Petit fours? Petits four? Petit fourses?
AndroidVillaz rating: 3/10
Android 9.0 Pastille
We’re getting into more esoteric territory here, at least depending on where you live — or what time period you reside in. (Anyone who grew up in the UK, either recently or in the distant past, will be more than familiar with Rowntree’s Fruit Pastilles.)
Sometimes used for medicinal purposes, pastilles are hard, chewy, gum-like candy, often dusted with sugar. It’s easy to envision tiny Android sweets in various colors, and so pastille might be a decent outside bet for Android 9.0.
- Pro: Varied and colorful, like the Android ecosystem.
- Con: Victorian-era candy perhaps not best suited to a futuristic OS.
Android Central rating: 4/10
Android 9.0 Pancake
Who doesn’t love pancakes? Monsters, probably. Terrible people. Whether topped with maple syrup, banana, nutella, jelly, bacon or even fried chicken, the humble pancake is a not insignificant achievement of human civilization. What other tasty treat has an entire day dedicated to its worship?
As a much-loved dish in all its various forms, pancake has the mainstream appeal Google would need to promote its next OS to the masses.
- Pro: Delicious as breakfast, dessert, supper, or anything in between. Solid branding opportunity for Bugdroid-shaped cakes.
- Con: Inconvenient timing of Shrove Tuesday 2018 in early February.
Androidvillaz rating: 9/10
Android 9.0 Popsicle
Android Popsicle would be the first frozen dessert in the pantheon since 2011’s Ice Cream Sandwich, and overall it’s probably the most likely candidate for Android 9.0. Though the word popsicle is mostly a North American thing, most of the world is familiar with the concept of a the underlying treat — colored sugar water, frozen into a mold and held by a stick. (Yes, fellow Brits, I am describing an ice lolly.)
So there you go. There’s an excellent chance Google will be doling out frozen Bugdroid ice pops in the summer of 2018.
- Pro: A refreshing summer treat for August 2018.
- Con: British people might be confused.
Androidvillaz rating: 9/10
Android 9.0 Profiterole
We’ve already ventured close to profiterole territory with Android Eclair, all the way back in 2010. And I’ll be honest — compared to the other desserts on this list, profiteroles don’t really do anything for me. Light pastry, consisting mostly of air, is combined with whipped cream, again, with air occupying much of that space.
Chocolate toppings sometimes become involved, but honestly, by then, why even bother?
The name is pretentious, and so is the dessert itself. Just look at it, up there, thinking it’s better than you.
- Con: Consists mostly of air. Basically just a jumped-up eclair.
- Pro: None.
Android Central rating: 0/10
Android 9.0 Pecan Pie
Here’s your best bet for the internal Google codename for Android P. Internally, Lollipop was Lemon Meringue Pie, and KitKat was Key Lime Pie before Nestle got involved. There’s pie history, you might say. Pecan and pumpkin would be popular choices, but there’s also peach pie and pirog pie, a Russian pastry sometimes involving apples, berries and other fruits.
None of these pastries are likely to emerge as the marketing name for Android P — too many syllables, for one — but we’ll be keeping an eye out for pie-related code commits in AOSP early on in the new year.
Androidvillaz rating: 1/10
Android 9.0 Puff Pastry
We’re kinda scraping the barrel here, as puff pastry isn’t really a dessert in its own right. (Unless you’re really hungry.) Nevertheless, unlike that snooty profiterole up there, puff pastry is a sweet (or savoury) treat of the people. So at least it’s got that going for it.
- Con: More an ingredient than a dessert. Diddy likely unreceptive to marketing tie-in.
- Pro: Potential marketing tie-in with Sean Combs
Androidvillaz rating: ¯\_(?)_/¯ /10
So which will it be? Share your P predictions down in the comments! We’ll find out exactly who’s right in just under a year!